The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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