I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
