It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize