Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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