she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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