sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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