You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I look better un-naked...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize