so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
