that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
