I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
