Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
