Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
