So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I could fuck to npr.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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