Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
