remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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