Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
