definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it penis luge time yet?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
