Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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