in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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