I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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