I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
