I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
