And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
