What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
