In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
