I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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