Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
