If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
