Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
two words: eviction party
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize