Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
