Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
