O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
