This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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