just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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