i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
