I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize