I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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