Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
