fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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