Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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