just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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