Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Be still, my beating vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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