I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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