this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
