remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
