but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
