i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
