Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
