Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't make out with my wife yet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dicks are not precious.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
