my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
