I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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