we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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