That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
