I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want nice things and good sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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