i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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