im drinking this country out of the recession.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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