Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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