theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont even know how to be here
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
