I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
