Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
