I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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